Why Are Women’s Struggles Treated as Symptoms, Not Stories?

Recently, while looking for resources for my clients ahead of International Women’s Day, I revisited a book that had been gifted to me by a friend (who clearly knows me well): 'Sexy But Psycho' by Dr. Jessica Taylor.

This book is a powerful exposé on how women’s distress is medicalised rather than understood. How, instead of asking “What happened to her?”, society asks, “What’s wrong with her?”

And the truth is, these narratives don’t just show up in psychiatry or mental health, but everywhere, including in the way women experience divorce and separation.

💭 She’s just bitter.

💭 She’s being difficult.

💭 She’s unstable.

Divorce, Trauma, and the Labels Given to Women

📌 Women are twice as likely to be diagnosed with anxiety as men (NHS, 2023).

📌 In the UK, women are 40% more likely to be prescribed antidepressants than men (ONS, 2022).

📌 Black women are disproportionately misdiagnosed with psychiatric disorders rather than being offered trauma-informed support (The Lancet, 2021).

Are women really too much? Or have they been conditioned to see our trauma as a disorder rather than a response to the world we live in?

The Myth of the ‘Crazy Ex’

One of the most common labels attached to women post-divorce is the “crazy ex” trope.

A woman who speaks up? Crazy.

A woman who sets boundaries? Difficult.

A woman who refuses to stay silent? Bitter.

The reality is, divorce is a trauma, especially when it involves betrayal, loss, financial insecurity or emotional abuse. Yet, rather than being given the space to process it, women are often expected to stay quiet, play nice, and move on gracefully.

But here’s the truth: You do not have to make your pain palatable for others.

What If Women’s Trauma Isn’t a Disorder, But a Response to Oppression?

Too often, when women express distress - whether it’s anxiety, depression, or even post-separation fear - they are met with labels rather than understanding. Instead of asking "What happened to you?", the question becomes "What’s wrong with you?" This dangerous narrative, deeply ingrained in medical, legal and psychological systems, has long been used to silence and discredit women.

Dr. Emma Katz’s research on coercive control reveals how abuse is not just about isolated incidents of violence but about an entire system designed to dominate and entrap survivors. For women and children living under coercive control, life becomes a series of calculated moves (where to go, what to say, how to behave) to avoid punishment. Yet, when these women escape and seek support, their valid responses to prolonged trauma are often dismissed as signs of instability.

Courts, social services and even therapists can misunderstand their experiences, framing their fear, distress, or hypervigilance as personal dysfunction rather than as the natural consequences of prolonged control.

This systemic gaslighting aligns with what Dr. Jessica Taylor exposes in Sexy But Psycho: the way women’s trauma has been pathologised rather than acknowledged. Women who react to oppression with distress, anger, or even disassociation are too often diagnosed, medicated, and dismissed, while the structures that harmed them remain unchallenged.

Rather than recognising their reactions as evidence of survival and resilience, the system labels them as ‘crazy’.

Both Katz and Taylor argue that we need a radical shift in perspective. Instead of asking why women struggle after abuse, we should be asking why we expect them to simply ‘move on’ without acknowledging the depth of harm inflicted. Instead of telling women they are broken, we should be addressing the systems that continue to fail them.

At its core, this isn’t just about reframing individual experiences, it’s about dismantling the structures that keep women in a cycle of harm and invalidation. Women’s stories aren’t symptoms; they are evidence. And it’s time we started listening.

So, What Can We Do About It?

1. Challenge the Narrative

When someone dismisses your experience, ask:

• Is this about me, or about their discomfort with my emotions?

• Would a man in my position be spoken about in the same way?

  
  

2. Support the Organisations Fighting for Change

VictimFocus – An organisation (founded by Dr. Jessica Taylor) dedicated to improving the treatment and portrayal of victims of abuse and trauma worldwide.

WISH – Supporting women in the mental health and justice systems.

Agenda Alliance – Advocating for women and girls at risk of violence and abuse.

Mind, Samaritans & Rethink Mental Illness – Providing crucial mental health support and advocacy.

3. Educate Yourself & Others

For Professionals:

• Indicative Trauma Impact Manual (ITIM) – Dr. Jessica Taylor & Jaimi Shrive – A guide for professionals working with individuals in distress, trauma, or crisis.

  
  

For Everyone:

• Sexy But Psycho – Dr. Jessica Taylor – The inspiration for this post, exposing how women’s trauma is pathologised rather than understood.

• Coercive Control in Children's and Mothers' Lives - Dr. Emma Katz - A deep exploration of how coercive control impacts women and children, reshaping their lives beyond physical violence.

• Mad World – Micha Frazer-Carroll – A critique of how mental health is shaped by politics and inequality.

• Unwell Women – Elinor Cleghorn – A deep dive into the misogynistic history of Western medicine and its treatment of women’s health.

• Pain and Prejudice – Gabrielle Jackson – A powerful look at how the medical system ignores and misdiagnoses women’s pain.

  
  

Final Thoughts: You Are Not the Problem

Women who challenge the status quo aren’t broken; they’re awake.

Divorce is not just an ending; it’s often a reckoning, a moment when you finally stop contorting yourself to fit someone else’s expectations and start reclaiming your own truth.

So, if you’ve ever been told you’re too much - for speaking up, for refusing to stay in a situation that no longer serves you, for choosing yourself - know this:

🚫 You are NOT too much.

💚 You are NOT the problem.

🔥 And you do NOT have to make yourself smaller to be taken seriously.

This International Women’s Day, let’s rewrite the narrative.