'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway': Facing Divorce with Courage
- Doris Cozma
- Feb 10
- 4 min read
Updated: Mar 24
Divorce and separation can be some of life’s most uncertain and terrifying experiences. The emotional, financial, and logistical upheaval can make even the most confident person feel lost and afraid. But, as Susan Jeffers reminds us in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, "Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness."
Fear is not a sign of failure or weakness, but rather a part of being human. The key is learning how to move forward despite fear, rather than waiting for it to disappear. In this post, we’ll explore how Jeffers’ powerful insights can help you navigate divorce and separation with courage, confidence and resilience.
Reframing Fear: It’s Not the Problem, Your Response Is
"The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it" - Susan Jeffers
One of the biggest lessons from 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway' is that fear never truly disappears. We often think "Once I have everything figured out, I won’t feel afraid"... But the truth is, waiting for fear to vanish keeps us stuck.
Jeffers explains that we often approach fear incorrectly, assuming that if we feel afraid, it means something is wrong. Instead, she reframes fear as a natural part of growth - whenever we step into the unknown, fear is expected.
Reframing Fear in Divorce: Instead of thinking, "I’m scared, so I must be making a mistake," try:
✔ "Feeling afraid means I’m stepping into something new and unknown. This is part of my growth." or
✔ "I don’t need to wait for fear to go away, I just need to take the next step, even if I’m scared."
The Five Truths About Fear (And How They Apply to Divorce)
Jeffers outlines five fundamental truths about fear. Let’s look at how these apply to divorce and separation:
The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.
Divorce forces you into uncharted territory - new routines, new relationships, new ways of seeing yourself. Growth always involves fear.
The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.
Want to feel confident handling finances, co-parenting, or making independent decisions? The only way is to start doing it. Fear fades with action.
The only way to feel better about myself is to go out and do it.
The confidence you seek comes from action, not overthinking. Taking small steps - such as hiring a lawyer, setting boundaries, reaching out for support - builds confidence.
Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I'm on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else.
No one walks through divorce without moments of doubt and fear. Even those who seem strong have been where you are now.
Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.
Staying stuck is scarier than moving forward. Taking small, brave steps will help you regain control over your life.
From "Pain" to "Power": Taking Control of Your Journey
"You are not a victim. You can control your reactions. You can make things happen." - Susan Jeffers
One of Jeffers’ most empowering messages is the shift from a Pain mindset ("Everything is happening to me") to a Power mindset ("I have choices and control") during tough times.
Pain Mode vs. Power Mode in divorce could look like:
❌ Pain Mode: “I have no control over what happens now.”
✅ Power Mode: “I may not have control over everything, but I can control how I respond.”
❌ Pain Mode: “I’m afraid of being alone.”
✅ Power Mode: “I’m going to focus on building a life that fulfils me.”
❌ Pain Mode: “I don’t know if I can do this.”
✅ Power Mode: “I will take it one step at a time, and that’s enough.”
By shifting into Power Mode, you regain agency over your life, which in turn reduces fear.
Taking the First Brave Step
Jeffers emphasises that fear doesn’t go away before we take action, rather it fades as we take action. If you’re navigating a divorce and feeling overwhelmed, the key is to start small:
✔ Reach out for support - whether that’s friends, a therapist, or a divorce coach.
✔ Write down your next step - even if it’s something simple, like booking an appointment.
✔ Remind yourself that fear is normal - it’s not a stop sign, it’s a sign of growth.
Remember: "You have to begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be." - Susan Jeffers
Final Thoughts: You Are Stronger Than You Think
Divorce can be an incredibly difficult transition, but you are not powerless. By embracing Susan Jeffers’ philosophy, I hope you can reframe fear as a natural part of growth rather than a roadblock.
You are capable.
You are resilient.
You don’t have to wait to feel fearless, you just have to take the next step.
If you're ready to move forward but need support, I’d love to help. Book a free exploratory session to see how we can work together.
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