The Unravelling: When Life as You Knew It Falls Apart

Divorce and separation can feel like everything is coming undone, as if the life you carefully built is unravelling at the seams. But what if that unravelling wasn’t a failure? What if it was the start of something deeper, more authentic, and ultimately more fulfilling?

In her powerful article The Midlife Unravelling, Brené Brown describes a moment in life when the old rules stop working, when we can no longer pretend, and when we’re called to let go of who we were so we can step into who we truly are. Sound familiar? If you’re going through a divorce, you’re in the middle of this unravelling, and as painful as it feels, it’s also an opportunity for real transformation.

When the Masks Fall Away

"People may call what happens at midlife ‘a crisis,’ but it’s not. It’s an unravelling - a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want, not the one you’re ‘supposed’ to live." - Brené Brown

Many of us spend years being who we think we should be - a good partner, a good parent, a good spouse - until one day, something shifts. Maybe you’ve been staying small, compromising too much, or ignoring your own needs for too long. Or perhaps, like so many people facing separation, you’ve been so focused on keeping things together that you haven’t stopped to ask: Is this even working for me anymore?

Divorce, like the unravelling Brené describes, forces a reckoning. The old version of you - whether it was the people-pleaser, the peacekeeper, or the person who put everyone else first - no longer fits. And while that can feel terrifying, it’s also a chance to step into your truest self.

What Happens Next? The Call to Be Brave

"Unravelling is not easy. But choosing authenticity over safety is how we find freedom, joy, and meaning." - Brené Brown

The unravelling isn’t neat. It’s messy, it’s uncomfortable, and it will probably challenge everything you thought you knew about yourself. But it’s also where the magic happens—where you get to rewrite the story.

Here’s what Brené Brown says we often try to do instead:

❌ Numb the discomfort (busyness, distractions, or unhealthy coping mechanisms)

❌ Double down on what no longer works (clinging to old roles, avoiding change)

❌ Ignore the call to growth (because growth is hard and fear is loud)

But what if you leaned into it? What if you embraced the unknown, the fear, the discomfort, knowing that on the other side is something real, raw, and deeply true?

How to Move Through the Unravelling (And Not Get Stuck in It)

So, how do you move forward when your life is unravelling? Here are some key takeaways from Brené’s work and how they apply to divorce and separation:

1. Let Go of Who You Were "Supposed" to Be

Divorce isn’t just about ending a relationship; it’s about shedding the versions of yourself that no longer fit. Give yourself permission to release expectations (yours and others’) and step into a new chapter.

2. Stop Trying to Numb the Pain

Heartache, uncertainty, and fear are normal. And the only way through them is through them. Instead of pushing emotions down, make space for them. Talk, journal, go to therapy, or work with a divorce coach to process them in a healthy way.

3. Choose Authenticity Over Comfort

Growth is uncomfortable. Divorce forces you to redefine your identity, your future, and your relationships, but authenticity is worth the discomfort. Ask yourself: What do I really want? Then, start taking steps towards it, no matter how small.

4. Find Your People

The unravelling can feel isolating, but you are not alone. Surround yourself with people who see you, support you, and hold space for your healing. That might be close friends, a therapist, a coach, or even a new community that aligns with your next chapter.

Final Thoughts: This Is Not the End, It’s a Beginning

Brené Brown’s message is clear: unravelling is not breaking, it’s becoming. Divorce may feel like the end of everything you knew, but it’s also an opening. A chance to rebuild on your terms. A moment to step into your truth with courage and self-compassion.

And if you need someone to walk with you through it, I’m here to help. Let’s navigate this unravelling together.

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