The Power of Being Understood in Divorce Support and Therapy

The smallest interaction, if it makes you feel understood, can be life-changing.

I didn’t know this in early 2022, when I was crying most nights over the end of my first serious relationship and quietly spiralling through the pressure of a shiny new senior job that left me feeling lost and out of control. The Covid lockdowns had drained me. I felt chewed up and spat out, emotionally raw, and increasingly afraid of slipping into an old, familiar pit of anxiety.

That’s when I did what so many people do in a moment of panic: I searched the Counselling Directory and started cold-calling therapists. I didn’t know what I was looking for, exactly - I just needed someone to help me not fall apart.

The one who picked up, who would later become my therapist for nearly three years, didn’t give me a spark of hope right away. I was weirdly shy, withholding, uncertain. Our first few Zoom sessions didn’t leave me thinking “this is it.” (And honestly? That’s a feeling many people don’t get right away, or at all; sometimes, it takes time. Sometimes it never happens. Worse still, some people are left feeling dismissed, ghosted, or even harmed by therapy or coaching experiences that lacked care or professionalism. I’ve read those stories too, and they break my heart.)

But slowly, beautifully, something shifted. We clicked. And from that click, healing began.

Image credit: Art From The Streets https://artfromthestreets.org/blogs/news/art-therapy-near-me

The Science (and Mystery) of What Helps Us Heal

The truth is, even therapists don’t always know exactly what leads to psychological change. As this excellent Guardian article highlights, psychotherapy often eludes a neat, scientific explanation. When researchers try to pinpoint the precise “active ingredient” that makes therapy work, they often come up short.

What the science does suggest, though, is this: healing rarely happens through clever advice or textbook techniques alone. It happens in the therapeutic relationship. It happens when someone really sees you. Listens without rushing to fix. Offers a kind of unconditional, grounded presence that maybe you never had before.

The most healing thing of all is being understood.

It’s that simple, and that complex.

That’s certainly what changed things for me.

It wasn’t advice. It wasn’t insight. It was the steady, consistent experience of being listened to - without judgement, without rush, without someone trying to fix me.

What This Means for Divorce Support

In my work now as a divorce and separation coach, that lesson is everything. Because when people come to me, they’re rarely just looking for tips or timelines.

Sure, they might need help with sorting boundaries, managing co-parenting logistics, or feeling less overwhelmed by financial forms.

But beneath all of that, what most people really need is this:

• Someone to sit beside them in the chaos.

• Someone who helps them feel less lost.

• Someone who reflects their worth back to them, even when they can’t see it themselves.

That is divorce support at its best.

I don’t have all the answers - and I don't even try to pretend that I do. I can’t undo heartbreak, or make someone’s ex more cooperative, or snap my fingers and make a co-parenting plan magically fall into place.

But I can offer space. I can witness pain. I can help people feel a little less alone in the grief, fear, and identity-crisis that so often accompany separation. And I can gently guide them toward clarity, resilience, and confidence - not by pushing them to move on before they’re ready, but by helping them reconnect with themselves.

Whether I’m helping someone untangle the chaos of the Form E, navigate contact arrangements, or simply process the loss of the future they thought they’d have, the heartbeat of my work is this: You deserve to feel heard, understood, and supported. Not just legally. Not just logistically. Emotionally. Fully. Humanly.

Image credit: divorce.art.heal on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/p/C9SNU5PpyPs/

From Client to Coach: A Full-Circle Journey

Becoming a coach and therapist-in-training wasn’t just a career pivot; it was a calling, shaped by my own healing journey. I often think of something Winnicott said about therapy providing a “holding environment” - a safe enough space for people to grow into their truest selves. My therapist offered that to me. It changed my life. And now, in my own way, I try to offer the same to others.

Because when you’re going through a breakup, a divorce, or any kind of upheaval, it’s not just about surviving the admin. It’s about feeling seen. Feeling like you’re not broken or failing. Feeling like you can trust yourself again.

And if I can help even one person feel that way? I’ll know I’ve done something that matters.

If you're navigating divorce or separation and want someone who gets it - not just from training, but from lived experience - I'm here. Not to fix you. Not to rush you. But to sit with you in the messy middle, and help you find your way through.

Book a free discovery call here.